Twice Fallen
by Thesseli
Summary: Memories can be lost, found, or made, but they're not always what they seem. Slash.


Twice Fallen

Daniel Jackson fell back, exhausted and content, gently caressing his lover's cheek. He was finally home.

It had been nearly a month since he'd returned...returned by who or what he wasn't sure, from wherever he'd been while Ascended. He didn't know. He remembered nothing from the time after his Ascension, and very little from before. It wasn't a comfortable feeling. Lost and alone on a world he didn't know, with no family and no familiar faces; just a group of strangers who claimed to know him, but who looked at him with a combination of curiosity and pity.

After only a few weeks of this, he was starting to get desperate. So when Colonel O'Neill came to him with a plan to help get his memory back, he'd accepted instantly, even though Jack said his methods might seem a little unorthodox at first. But Daniel trusted the other man on an almost instinctive level; that had to be a holdover from his life prior to Ascension. Somehow he knew Jack wouldn't let him down.

He'd had absolutely no idea at the time what memories O'Neill would be trying to unlock, that first night at the cabin by the lake.

"Missed you," he'd said brusquely as the door closed behind them. "Missed you like hell." And then he'd guided Daniel to the bed, kissing him with a gentle passion that seemed to surprise them both. He knew Jack thought the lovemaking might jog his memory, at least of the two of them, or make the jumbled fragments in his mind fall back into their proper place. That hadn't happened yet, but Daniel wasn't complaining. Not at all; instead, he was grateful. Even if his past was a blur, their relationship was something he could grasp and hang on to, something stable in the middle of an ocean of instability. It was his anchor, his lifeline. He had already been led back to his love; he was certain that it would eventually lead him back to himself as well.

"I missed you too," Daniel said sleepily, his fingers still tracing Jack's lips.

"Hmm?" murmured the man lying beside him, turning his head to look into his lover's eyes. The fond affection Daniel saw there was the same as in their public interactions, only deeper. Stronger. He couldn't help but feel ashamed. How could he have ever forgotten this?

"When you told me that you missed me, before," he replied. "Before we started this again. I never told you that I missed you too."

Jack's brow furrowed slightly, barely discernable in the dim light. "I thought you didn't remember anything when you first came back."

"I didn't. But inside, I knew there was something missing. Something I'd lost," he said, almost apologetically. "Now I know it was you."

The older man smiled. "I'm glad you found me, then. Even if you didn't remember my name in the beginning." He put his hand over Daniel's, then brought it down to his chest, clasping it to his heart. "I don't know how you got back, but I'm glad you found your way home."

Daniel was about to agree, but the only thing that came out of his opened mouth was an expansive yawn. He settled for nodding, which turned Jack's smile into a full-fledged grin. "What?" he asked.

"I think you could use a little sleep, mister. And that's an order."

"Don't go pulling rank on me, Colonel, I'm not even in the army."

"Air Force, Daniel," the older man corrected long-sufferingly. "Air Force."

"I knew that."

"Uh-huh. Sure you did."

Daniel shook his head and chuckled. "I'll get my memory back someday, Jack. And when that day comes, you'd better watch out." He yawned again, unable to say any more. Instead, he kissed his lover on the cheek and leaned back into the pillows, his hand still over Jack's heart, and finally let sleep overtake him.

Jack O'Neill pulled his lover closer, settling in next to him, but he didn't shut his eyes. He studied Daniel's face intently, searching for any signs of recognition...or accusation. He found neither, but what Daniel said had disturbed him.

I'm going to get my memory back someday, Jack. And when that day comes, you'd better watch out.

O'Neill frowned again, willing away the unwelcome thoughts from his mind. He needed more time with Daniel, but as he was now. He wanted the archaeologist's memories to return eventually, of course, but he didn't want that to happen too soon. Once they did, Daniel would realize that he'd been lied to. That Jack, of all people, had lied to him.

And he couldn't let his new lover find that out. Not yet.

Not yet, he told himself once again. Not now. Not until he'd proven to Daniel that what he felt was real, even though he'd never had the courage to act on it, or even acknowledge it, before the Ascension. He was certain he'd babbled something about it in between Ba'al's torture sessions, when Daniel stayed with him; even so, that confession was locked away deep in the other man's mind with everything else from after he'd Ascended. He might never remember it, even if he got all his human memories back. But Jack saw Daniel's return as a literal gift from the heavens, and he wasn't about to let this second chance slip away.

"I love you, Daniel," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper so as not to wake his sleeping lover. "And I can only hope that someday, you'll be able to forgive me."

* END *


End file.
